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Sometimes I hear a voice in my head
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
“YOU CAN’T BE AN ARTIST!”
“YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH!”
“YOU’RE EATING TOO MUCH CHEESECAKE!”
Wait! You hear those voices too? Weird!
I’m trying to be fearless, to dream fearlessly and to show others that it is possible for them to also dream fearlessly! (No pressure then! Haha!)
It’s hard right?! Like… really hard?! But each day you follow your dream, and recognize that accomplishment, it gets easier.
Each day I give my middle finger to the negative voices, and each time I try to give it more firmly.
Sure! I may have days when I’m overwhelmed and frustrated, but at least I’m doing something that I’m passionate about. And, sure! I may get fat from all the cheesecake, but why do they make it if it’s not for eating?
It’s definitely important to give your middle finger to the negative thoughts about eating cheesecake, oops sorry, I mean the negative thoughts about you not being good enough. (Sorry, could someone please get me some cheesecake? I need my fix!)
We all have to start somewhere, and when I look back at some of my earlier paintings, (that I was so proud of back in the day). Now, at some of them, I cringe a little realizing that they’re not that good.
But I don’t have regrets, it’s not a bad thing, it shows me my journey. It shows me where I’ve come from, and that my practice is paying off. That my perseverance is being rewarded. Through study and practice we can all become better at what we’re doing. (Pst: That includes becoming better at chasing your dreams.)
Those voices that scream negative things at us, even when we’re doing well and enjoying life, they can really scream loudly sometimes. The trick…and challenge, is to turn the volume down on the voices. At least on the negative ones, and turn up the volume on the positive. The voice telling you, you CAN do this. The one telling you, you are good enough, and that you can do whatever you put your mind too, let those be loud! Don’t expect it to come overnight though. It takes compromise, challenges, frustrations, ups AND downs, to get there. Anything worth having, has been worked for.
The negative voices that are usually the loudest, are most often our fears. Fears don’t ever really go away unless we confront them. Quite often the more we tell ourselves we can’t do something, the more likely we’ll believe it. So, shouldn’t it work the other way around too? Let us tell ourselves we CAN do it, we CAN follow our dreams, and that the trickiest part is finding the path. (Oh, and finding a smidge of courage)
I don’t know exactly where my path is leading right now…. but do we truly ever know? I just know that the decisions I’m making are ones that I believe in, that in this moment they are the ones taking me to my dream. (By the way. You’re allowed to have more than one dream, and sometimes the dream changes. Chase one… then another and another and another and another… you get the drift! ;0) I’m open and ready to learn, to enjoy, and experience all that comes my way.
I was petrified to come to Canada, to study here, to make new friends, to make friends with the family that I hadn’t known growing up, to explore and discover. Did I mention I was petrified? But! I did it anyway.
As a nervous and excited 20 year old, my first destination from England was Vancouver to pick up my visa. I spent two nights there, before travelling to Calgary to meet my family. When I landed I was so over-tired and emotional that I wasn’t making good choices. I walked, with 3 suitcases to my accommodation. It should have only been a 20 minute walk, but it took me well over an hour. I’m not sure if you know, but I only have two arms, and so pulling three suitcases was difficult. Lol Not one person offered to help me. I stumbled, my arms ached and I was afraid, in this unknown city.
I arrived at my accommodation, got into my room, and didn’t leave all night. I lay on my bed, and cried. Overwhelmed, exhausted, and now sick. I eventually slept and woke the next day with my mind a little more clear. I was ready to be brave and do what I needed to do. I reminded myself that I had wanted this, I had worked hard to get here, and I was supposed to be excited. So with more positive thoughts in my head, I braved talking to people, and braved the streets to go eat in a restaurant; by myself. Then I found the government building to get my visa, and after that I explored Vancouver.
Guess what! I’m still here to tell the story! Nothing scary happened. Actually, I felt so proud of myself and so accomplished that day. As the day progressed one thought ran through my head. I’m doing this, I’m doing this…..I’m actually DOING THIS!
Another dream than became reality; I was nervous to open my home salon, but I did it anyway. With hard work, and a small amount of stubbornness, (and maybe a few tears of frustration along the way), I made it work. It was one of the best things I ever did. It help me see who I was. It gave me freedom. I’m not afraid of hard work…but I need to walk my own path. It gave me so many insights into my strengths.
Another dream was to walk the Camino De Santiago, 800KM across northern Spain. I questioned my capabilities to walk it, I questioned if I’d get bored. I didn’t know if I’d be able to do it, but I had this urge to. Even with those thoughts running through my head, the one I turned the volume up on was the one saying, “I want to do this!” …so I booked my ticket. I learned so much on the Camino, and one of the biggest being, you have to take everything step by step, you can’t eat the whole cheesecake in one go. No ones mouth is that big! (You can try, but you may end up with more of it on your face than in your face hole.)
Now, my insecurities ask me… “I wonder if retiring from hairdressing to become an artist is the right thing to do?” “Can I really make it as an artist?” “Is my work good enough?” “Do people even like what I do?” “How do I get there?” “How do I become successful?” ….and many many more that I’m not going to tell you. Not because I don’t want to share, but because I don’t want those thoughts to take over, in my head. The journey is going to be difficult enough without my own persecutions, and sabotage. So without knowing the answers to those questions… I’m doing it anyway. Do you want to know why? Yes? No? Well, I’ll tell you anyway. So listen up! Because I LOVE IT! Painting is relaxing, rewarding, creative, expressive, emotional, and inspiring. When I paint I feel alive. When I work through the difficult stages of painting, I feel rewarded. In completion of a work I feel proud, and sometimes astonished that, I DID THAT!
Those are just some of my dreams. I fearlessly dream more. Even with the questions and doubts, I did them anyway. They ALL worked out in the end! So be fearless, dare to dream, and go after them! Go sky diving, open your own business, learn something new, kiss a cod and do a shot of screech to be “screeched in’ by Newfoundlanders. Whatever it is, be the maker of your own dreams!
If you’re feeling fearless, share with me… what are you dreaming? And are you doing it fearlessly yet?